The truth is that you get addicted without realising it, without intending to. You had thought you’ll have some fun while it’s there. Just for the heck of it. When it is in your system, you think you can drive it out whenever you want to. What you do not realise is that you would never want to let it go.

Then one day you try to (or you are forced to) do without it. And you can’t.
You’re drowning.
You tell yourself it is nothing, it is a fleeting pain, it will pass.
It doesn’t, and you are pulled back into its clutches again.
Denying its presence is not going to scare it away.

You give in to it once; then once more, then several times.

You try to fight it, this feeling of wanting. You keep fighting to keep it from your thoughts, to keep it from bubbling up and frothing all the time. It’s difficult, impossible.
You surface, gasping, breathless, terrified.
The mind is a butterfly, as they say, fluttering over the flowers of thoughts, unsure which one to sit on, which will yield the sweetest honey. 

So you struggle to keep your mind away from settling on the most painful thought.
It works, for a while. You think you’ve done it. It’s over, you’re past it.
Just when you think you have shoved it out of your system, it comes back – in full force, with a vengeance, with an army wreaking havoc along the way.
You buckle.
You give up. Just one more time, you think. Just this once.
You lose.
And you fight.
The circle repeats.